Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Memo to GOP Members of Congress

Dear Stupid Motherfuckers:

George W. Bush has left the White House in disgrace and nobody gives a shit about him now. Take your blinders off and face the fact that the Obama and the Democrats stomped your asses in November. You’re a minority party of bankrupt ideas, and becoming more irrelevant every day. You’ve got no irons in the fire or light at the end of the tunnel. If you keep calling on the ghost of Ronald Reagan, taking advice from shitheads like Karl Rove and Rush Limbaugh, and pinning your hopes on morons like Sarah Palin, you deserve to spend a generation in the political sticks.

It’s obvious that you fucks haven’t accepted that the Bush/Cheney criminal syndicate ran the United States into the ground through incompetence, greed, politics, spite, power trips and total disregard for the fundamentals of government, law, economics and morality. You bastards controlled the entire Federal apparatus for six of Bush’s eight years – and have nothing but failure to show for it.

Here’s the thing: this isn’t the time for you hypocrites to whine that Obama’s stimulus package contains too much spending and not enough tax cuts. Because of the tax-cutting frenzy the GOP pulled off during the Bush Reign of Error, we’re all Keynesians now. The shit is up to our necks and Obama’s stimulus plan isn’t nearly large enough. Every day you idiots spew your tax-cut bullshit the financial woes of real flesh and blood Americans worsen. We need massive public spending on infrastructure, aid to states and small businesses, food stamps and unemployment insurance – all investment that provide real stimulus, as opposed to the negligible benefits of giving the wealthiest Americans another tax holiday.

Fuck the rich and every one of you who carry water for them. It’s time for them to pay their fair share – and for you piss-ants to support the real economy of wage earners and producers, of teachers and small business owners, of waitresses and secretaries and truck drivers.

Word Up, Assholes: Tax cuts are not a substitute for economic policy. Ronald Reagan was a man, not a God, and for most of his Presidency he doddered around in the early stages of Alzheimer’s; Ronnie got lost in the hallways of the White House, forgot the way to the Oval Office, and believed Alaska had been invaded by the Soviet Union.

Listen, losers, get with Obama’s program – it’s not perfect but it’s necessary.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Sarah Palin's Awful, Terrible, Really Bad Day

Inauguration Day in the Palin household was gloomy. Husband Todd insisted that the entire family go fishing, but Sarah was adamant that they all gather around the big screen and watch “the half-breed” get sworn in as the 44th American president.

Sarah also insisted that everyone, even baby Trig, wear “Palin 2012” T-shirts and baseball caps. In the giddy days after the GOP Convention in Minneapolis, when Sarah was the shining new darling of the Republican Party and her political future seemed limitless, she had 10,000 T-shirts and 5,000 “Palin 2012” caps printed. Now, after the disastrous interviews on ABC and CBS, the debate with Joe Biden, Tina Fey’s impersonations on Saturday Night Live, the flap over her Neiman Marcus shopping spree, the rumors of sour relations with the McCain camp, and the election outcome, the cartons of T-shirts and caps were stacked in the garage, floor to ceiling; Todd couldn’t see, let along reach, his favorite snowmobile or his bear traps.

As the family gathered and jockeyed for prime spots on the sofa, Todd tried one more gambit to avoid the explosion he knew was coming. “Why don’t we go hunt some moose,” he said. “It’s fourteen degrees outside and I’m in the mood to shoot something!”

He was silenced with a single glance from his wife and meekly took a seat.

“Put it on CNN,” Sarah ordered Bristol. “I will not watch ABC or CBS or NBC. Those people are jackals, plain and simple, and because of them and all those lying liberal bloggers, I lost the election! This should be my big day, like the senior prom – only better! If those people had treated me fairly, I would have won and we would be moving into the White House.”

John McCain appeared briefly on the screen as the camera panned the assembled dignitaries.

“There he is,” Sarah shrieked, “that horrible, disgusting man! Look at him – he’s the devil! Stiff as a two by four, full of himself, always talking about the day he got shot down over North Vietnam. He was sooooo booorrring! I’d rather shop for a new septic tank than spend an afternoon with John McCain. And don’t get me started on his wife, that stuck up bitch.”

“Honey,” Todd said. “The kids.”

“God,” Piper said, “look at all those black people.”

“It’s like Africa,” said Willow, “only it’s America.”

“It’s the un-American part of America,” Sarah said. “Those are the people who pal around with terrorists, who love Fidel Castro, who think Hugo Chavez is cool.”

They watched as Joe Biden was sworn in as Vice-President.

Trig loosed a loud fart and smiled.

“Joe was nice enough,” Sarah said, “ for a socialist.”

“There are more people on the Mall than in all of Alaska,” Todd said, somewhat awestruck.

Sarah snorted derisively. “Yeah, but can they see Russia from their front porch? Are they America’s first line of defense against Vladimir Putin? Do they understand that our way of life is at stake, that the socialists have seized control of America and will turn our market economy into a command economy, like the old days of the Soviet Union?”

Obama placed his non-white hand on the Bible. The historic moment was here, at long last. The world watched. Todd watched his wife. Sarah hadn’t been the same since the election. The phone wasn’t ringing as she had hoped it would; none of the Republican Party elders were courting her or seeking her opinion on what to do to save the Republican Party from its own excesses; even Rush Limbaugh seemed to have forgotten her. The fact that she had taken a long, heady draught of the big time, but now found herself consigned to a small stage far from the action, wasn’t sitting well.

The canons fired a twenty-one gun salute, the crowd on the Mall became delirious, a sea of American flags waved in the cold air, and it was done, official: Barack Obama was President of the United States.

As millions in America and around the world cried tears of joy, tears of pride, tears of relief, Sarah Palin cried tears of anguish and mopped those tears on the sleeve of her “Palin 2012” T-shirt.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

The Great Black Hope

Every year the Martin Luther King Jr. holiday prompts me to think about where the United States stands along its evolutionary path, not only in regard to race relations, but also in measurements of economic and social justice, militarism and our foreign relations. Though Dr. King is best and rightly remembered for his civil rights work, he gave considerable thought and attention to these other matters.

This MLK holiday is obviously different than any that has come before. Tomorrow at noon eastern time, Barack Obama will recite the oath of office and become the first African-American to hold the highest elected office in the land. Given the African-American experience in this country, the legacy of slave chains, codified status as three-fifths a human being, Jim Crow, lynching’s, official and de facto segregation, terrorism and intimidation, murder and oppression, down the bones and down the years, the inauguration of Barack Obama marks more than the breaking of a racial barrier.

America is growing up and finally reaching for its promise.

An intelligent, articulate black man is poised to lead the United States and, in many respects, the world, out of a pit dug by a president and vice-president who disdained the rule of law and every measure of justice that Dr. King struggled for during his short, purposeful life. George W. Bush and Dick Cheney condoned injustice and advanced inequality in a manner unprecedented in my lifetime, and maybe in our history as a nation. Bush and Cheney played to our fears and baser instincts, governed for the few rather than the many, made a mockery of what it means to be an American, and demeaned us in the eyes of the world.

Barack Obama is a man, not a savior, and while our hopes for his presidency soar we must temper our expectations. Our debased politics, grotesquely unequal economy, precarious environmental position, and obsessive focus on material gain cannot be solved in six months, a year, even four years. We’re in very deep waters and our ship of state is listing to one side. Even with a man of Barack Obama’s skill and character at the helm, we may sink.

Dr. King often said that resilience and fortitude were traits inculcated in black Americans by their direct experience in the crucible of the American contradiction. All Americans need that kind of transcendent resilience and fortitude now, for some of the most difficult challenges we’ve ever faced lie on the other side of tomorrow’s festivities. The stakes are enormous; the consequences of inaction or timid half-measures will be severe; no American should be immune or exempted from some form of sacrifice.

The dominant narrative of the past quarter century held that Americans rose or fell individually. This proved an illusion as damning as it is false. Dr. King knew it in his time; Barack Obama knows it in ours.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

W's Last Stand: As Orwellian as it Gets

Interior, the President’s private bathroom in the White House on the morning of George W. Bush’s final press conference. Bush lathers his face and begins to shave. The camera pans in close. As he pulls the razor across his face Bush stares at his image and murmurs, quietly but resolutely: “Heckuva job, W, heckuva job. You kept the homeland safe from those evil terrorists for seven years. That’s a legacy, and something to be proud of. Your record is solid, with plenty of accomplishments. Don’t give a second thought to those elitist writers and bloggers who criticize you. OK, the economy hit a little-bitty bump, but America is strong and respected around the world. Heckuva job. Hold your head up.” Fade out.

Bush convenes his final press conference and political junkies across the country can’t decide whether to shriek with joy or wail with despair. For pure jaw-dropping, head-scratching spectacle, Bush set the bar very high and in that regard, and only in that regard, we will miss him.

Whenever Bush opened his mouth it was an adventure, not to mention a felony against Mother English. For decades to come, scholars will ponder how a man born with a silver spoon between his lips and a platinum spoon between his ass cheeks, educated at Yale and Harvard, could come across as stupid, obstinate and petulant.

Even after eight of the longest years in American history, we don’t really know W. He acts like a jackass, talks like a moron, evades responsibility like a 7-year-old, but is it an elaborate act or is he a simpleton?

There’s W at the podium, familiar smirk on his face, refusing to admit that he made any mistakes during his reign. There will be no frozen Frost/Nixon moment, no breakdown or cathartic tears, no plea for forgiveness. Disappointments, maybe, but mistakes, never. While America wallowed in foreign wars and turned its economy into a giant casino, W went on vacation, spending some 900 days at Camp David or his Crawford dude ranch. No worries, no stress, just Laura and the Lord, the twins and Karl Rove for comfort and companionship. Not a drop of bourbon in the pantry, no vial of cocaine hidden under the bed – W totally fucked things up without illicit narcotics.

But don’t assume drugs didn’t play a central role in W’s White House. How else can we explain the criminal shit and blatant venality that passed for standard operating procedure on W’s watch? The truth will eventually emerge that W was crocked ninety percent of the time on a wicked combination of Paxil, Effexor and Ambien. No semi-intelligent person can watch Bush in action without concluding that he’s a drug fiend.

W insists that America’s moral standing around the world is untarnished. This is laughable but W appears to believe it. Unfortunately, for those of us who dwell on Reality Avenue and read foreign newspapers, we know what the world thinks of us, and it’s not comforting; when a great many people view the United States as dangerous and bellicose, a force of instability and a beacon of hypocrisy, you know the wheels have fallen off the bus.

The list of W’s crimes, abuses of power and fuck-ups is too extensive to run through here, though every one should be examined, dissected and probed with the same fervor the Government brought to investigating Bill Clinton’s indiscretions. If the Government can spend several years and millions of tax dollars investigating land deals in the Ozarks and tawdry Oval Office sexcapades, then certainly the Government can devote some time and coin to investigate eight years of real crimes against the country.

It’s unlikely to happen, for the political class is intent on “looking forward” rather than back, and the Democrats are too spineless to force the issue, even though Americans deserve a full-scale investigation. Simple justice, the one ideal the United States rarely delivers any more, demands an accounting so that no one is fooled when the next wannabe dictator comes around. But don’t hold your breath. Even if the Democrats find some courage and force an investigation, the lawyers will make sure it’s limited in scope – to avoid, naturally, “putting the nation through needless trauma.” Bush, Cheney, Rove, Miers, Paulson, Rumsfeld, Gonzalez and every other shit-head who served Bush and participated in the rat-fucking of our country will walk away scot-free; some will score big dollar book contracts or become respected commentators on Fox News; others will land gigs as lobbyists or consultants or think tank analysts; but nobody will pay.

W was defiant to the end, still insisting that white is black and black white, and any evidence to the contrary is not simply wrong, but a product of the “elite,” whoever they may be. Everything else about his Administration lays in ruins, but the bubble surrounding W remains intact, shielding him from truth, fact and consequences; in what’s left of his mind, W sees himself standing on the deck of the USS Abraham Lincoln, beneath the Mission Accomplished banner.

Thursday, January 08, 2009

Love, Israeli-Style

Terrorism n. Terrorist principles and practices; the systematic employment of violence and intimidation to coerce a government or community, esp. into acceding to specific political demands. The New Shorter Oxford Dictionary

Ironic to hear a Jewish rabbi, the head of a pre-school not far from Santa Barbara, reacting to a third incidence of vandalism against the school, swastikas spray-painted on the walls in the dead of night. The rabbi spoke of Jewish values handed down the centuries and from every corner of the globe – tolerance, love, understanding, and knowledge – that are the antidotes to hatred, bigotry and racism.

While the rabbi spoke of Jewish values, Israeli rockets, artillery shells and deadly cluster bombs rained down on Gaza, indiscriminately killing Palestinian men, women and children. As the rabbi spoke of love twelve miles from where my family dwells, a United Nations school in Gaza was destroyed by three Israeli tank shells, killing 40 human beings who had taken refuge inside.

And while this act of terror – and what else can it be called? -- was taking place and the lifeless, bloody bodies of innocent children were pulled from the rubble, an Israeli spokesperson had the audacity to accuse Hamas of “war crimes.”

Israel never lacks a justification for its actions. When Israel destroys a Palestinian ambulance with Hellfire missiles (purchased from, or provided by, the United States), the fault lies with Hamas, not Israel, because only Hamas is diabolical enough to transport guns and ammunition in ambulances and thereby make it necessary for Israel to target them for annihilation.

The abuser is really the victim, you see, and the abused deserve to be punished.

And of course that UN school jammed with petrified and helpless people was a Hamas ammunition depot. As an Israeli spokesperson told the Al Jazeera network, Hamas had "booby-trapped" installations in Gaza, leaving Israel no choice but to retaliate. "This is how it is in wars,” the spokesperson said. “We did not choose to be in a war. However, Hamas chose to target Israelis, we did not force them to do anything, and Hamas chose terror."

Like the United States under the Bush/Cheney regime, Israel is always righteous, moral and only acting in its own defense against an implacable enemy; Hamas, on the other hand, never rises above being a “terrorist” organization with no regard for human life, law or recognized standards of decency.

F-16’s, Hellfire missiles and cluster bombs are not instruments of peace. Israel says it has no beef with the Palestinian people, just Hamas, but let’s be clear: Israel’s ferocious assault against Gaza is punishing Palestinians collectively. Hamas did not block critically needed supplies from entering Israel or build settlements on Israeli land or disregard one “peace” treaty after another. Does Hamas bear some responsibility for these hostilities? Of course, but what else can a dispossessed, occupied, and downtrodden people do when politics, diplomacy and decades of UN resolutions fail?

Israel, the United States, and Britain either have short historical memories or willful myopia. A little more than six decades ago, Israel boasted homegrown terrorists determined to wrest Palestine from British control and establish a Jewish homeland. As all people do, Jews ached for their own land and control of their own fate. One leader in this struggle was Menachem Begin, who would go on to become Prime Minister; yesterday’s terrorist is tomorrow’s politician.

Why can’t Israel and its principal benefactor, the United States, understand that the Palestinians want the very thing that the Jews wanted in the early years of the twentieth century? Why does the West always ascribe righteous motives to Israel and evil motives to the Palestinians? The more important question –the one never addressed in the Western mass media – is this: why is Israel allowed to slaughter innocent people with impunity? Is killing really the road to peace and long-lasting security or does it just inflict fresh wounds and slice into old scars?

But don’t say Israel can’t act benevolently – yesterday the Israeli army gave Gaza residents a brief cease fire so they could stock up on supplies before the next wave of attacks. One wonders where in war-ravaged Gaza the people were supposed to buy bread, drinking water, baby formula, medicine, coats, blankets or fuel oil.

Saturday, January 03, 2009

Sticking to the Story, No Matter What

“You delight in laying down laws. Yet you delight more in breaking them.” Kahlil Gibran

When it comes to Gaza, leave it to CNN to reinforce the story line that Israel is only protecting itself against Hamas rocket attacks. The crawl under Larry King’s face informs viewers of the number of Hamas rocket attacks over the past week, but doesn’t say squat about the number of air sorties flown by the Israeli Air Force against a defenseless population. Perhaps it didn’t occur to CNN to ask for that information, though it’s more likely that CNN knew but chose not to report the number because doing so would run counter to the theme that Israel is simply defending itself against indiscriminate attacks.

According to the BBC, Israel has launched more than 700 air sorties against Gaza.

CNN calls what’s happening in Gaza a “conflict,” implying that Hamas is fighting back, which is how the American media absolves Israel of responsibility. The same deceitful terms were used, and continue to be used, to describe the American invasion and occupation of Iraq. As did all major American media outlets, CNN called the US invasion a “war,” which implied that Iraq had attacked the US, which of course never happened.

"War” has a different connotation than “invasion,” and implies a measure of justification, which in the hands of the unscrupulous can turn into self-righteousness.

It’s true that Israel and the Palestinians are locked in a conflict over history, land, broken treaties, self-determination and security. But a count of the dead and wounded in Gaza over the past week describes a massacre, not a conflict: 421 dead in Gaza, 4 dead in Israel. Adding the 2,250 Palestinians wounded (as reported by the BBC) buttresses the argument that a massacre is unfolding.

It bears repeating that Israel’s attacks – no matter how carefully targeted to only strike Hamas – have exacerbated a humanitarian crisis in Gaza. Imagine if the medical clinics and hospitals in your home town or city were suddenly flooded with injured and wounded people. Even the best equipped and staffed hospitals would soon reach a breaking point. Medical facilities in Gaza were ill-equipped and supplied before Israel’s assault began; the suffering in the aftermath must be unimaginable.

And like CNN, the outgoing American president, never one to peer too deeply into a crisis lest he see something that might contradict his monochrome worldview, lays blame for the wholesale destruction of Gaza at the feet of Hamas.

Friday, January 02, 2009

Shooting Fish in a Barrel

What would world reaction be if Tel Aviv were under aerial bombardment by the Hamas Air Force for the seventh straight day? Would the United Nations dither over the wording of a statement while scenes of destruction and carnage flash around the globe? Would the United States stand mute while casualties overwhelm Tel Aviv hospitals?

If Hamas military officials were making blithe statements about the pinpoint accuracy of their munitions, and how the Hamas Air Force took great pains to avoid murdering non-combatants, would the world accept the statements at face value or be properly outraged by their absurdity?

We know the answer. The United States and Britain would never allow an Israeli city, town or hamlet to be pulverized into total submission the way the Israelis are pulverizing Gaza. Every political, diplomatic and public relations effort would be made to stop the bombing if Israelis were on the receiving end of Hellfire missiles and bunker busting ordnance. Cries of “Humanitarian Crisis!” would dominate the American and British media until a fever pitch was reached and world leaders were forced to demand an immediate cease-fire -- and pledge sanctions against Hamas if it refused to comply.

But some human lives are obviously worth more than others. We don’t spend much time, expend much effort or cry many tears over dead or maimed Africans, Arabs, Iraqis, Afghans, or Palestinians, while every killed or wounded American, Brit or Israeli is a tragic loss that deserves to be accounted for and cataloged.

Has the world always been so callous about death and so blind to suffering? Ask the Armenians. Ask the Jews of Eastern Europe. Ask Rwandans. Ask the Muslims of Bosnia. Israel claims to be at war with Hamas, but the hurt Israel is putting on Gaza will make the already difficult, constricted and fragile lives of innocent Palestinians worse for months, if not years, to come. Hamas rocket attacks against Israeli homes and citizens are indefensible, but the overwhelming nature of Israel’s response to those attacks, including the cruel blockade of essential supplies that preceded this latest offensive, only reinforces and perpetuates the cycle of violence in which Israelis and Palestinians are locked.

Gaza is one of the most densely populated places in the world and also one of the poorest. Hamas boasts no air force, artillery, tanks, helicopters or navy with which to counter-attack or defend civilians.

The population of Gaza is trapped, like fish in a barrel.